I dreamed of Africa

So where has it been before ? Well recent years history has been a blur. I cant remember where my years went. Im 34, but I can remember my late 20's but after that I wonder what the fuck was I doing. Sorry for using expletives but I feel they help to make the point I want to make right now.

My favourite spot has been...

A river bank, or a spot at a small pit with fish in rising to the summer surface to check out that object which floats by, is it food ?

I could remember many a happy time in my garden, my old garden before the new neighbours moved in then it was gone, taken from us.

I can say it was usually summer the good spots I remember most. A goalpost-goalmouth on the grass after we had massive headaches from playing football in the blazing sun in benwick playing field. On that grey hard baked earth with cracks in it. One by one we all left benwick behind, or rather it changed and left us. Im often challenged on my beliefs about why im against such change. Well external change has seemingly been entwined with my life. I didnt grow up in a super developed area and for that I was lucky I know, but that also showed me just what change does. Should we all just accept that things change as they do. Of course we have to -or go mad. But how rapid was change it accelerated past me and took what I had known, I never recovered from living with change.

Some of those river banks were slowly taken too. It seems some guy wanted ownership of it and we were no longer welcome. I love tha aborignals way of thinking in this respect, we dont own the land the land we are a part of the land.

Im digressing off the point here where is my favourite spot now?

Its been a crap week all told (relatively) I mean I have food to hand and money in the bank, I have the freedom to book a flight and jump on a plane. I still manage to not be satisfied with that. But I noticed that the new house my mum lives in has a presence for me I dislike, a non favourite place if you like. Its a great house don't get me wrong, I was down and had an errand to run, I left, I felt instantly better. There is something there I dislike. It was there also before my father died.

I want to make the distinction (and not for you-this is all FOR ME) I need my place at least a room which is correct and that I feel good in- comfortable in. A spot which is not my favourite place but a good place. I'm tired. I want to burn my backpack right now. I have to make yet more change, but change is comming. Im going on a holiday as a priority and I'm quitting contracting. I need no CRAVE some kind of stability. For the first time in a long time the fast paced world is faster than my mind.


In recent history I enjoyed running on the beach every morning in roatan, that was a good spot albeit more of a length than a spot. Roatan will experience as much change as anywhere in the world today desunafortunadamente (is this the longest spanish word).

Going back further I enjoyed the beach in Miami and the latin flavoured streets and my little grubby cuban coffee stand on the lower half of lincoln.

I also enjoyed the sun on my face as I walked to work in cambridge looking at the backend of kings college, a sign the summer is comming.

This year I will go back to one of my old favourite spots the flying field at warboys, and I'm looking for that time in the evening after a hot day the sun is going down and there is little wind you can only hear the far off tractors and occasional f-15 on full afterburner on takeoff from RAF alconbury (but that is now finsihed) and your small two stroke engine is purring along as you fly past at slow speed in full controll.

In short which is not possible therefore the following is not accurate I am in a state of flux, change STILL, lets hope it is the change which is like that change positive feedback gives to stablize a pattern waveform.